it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
