Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Randomize
