So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
