Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
