Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
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