I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
