You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
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