He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
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