Dude my mom stole all your condoms
So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
Randomize
