Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
