The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
