I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
Randomize
