Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
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