I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
Are we still banned from the library?
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Randomize
