This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
