News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
I'm at about main and main street
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
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