The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
I think i got beer on your cat.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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