It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Randomize
