I cockslap morals
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
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