the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
