I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
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