nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
Everyone says I win the strip club
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
Randomize
