I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
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