The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
dude i'm inner monologue high
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
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