new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Randomize
