No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
