even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
