i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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