I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
