dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
