My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
false alarm. still invincible.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
