you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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