I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
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