Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
whose ass print is on the piano?
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize
