Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
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