i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Randomize
