Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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