Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
