If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
