did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Randomize
