I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
