Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
You ate ashes out of my bong
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
