I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Randomize
