ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
Randomize
