Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
