I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
Randomize
