Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
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