Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
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