Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
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