He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Randomize
