Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Randomize
