In the future we'll all be gay
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
