i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
Randomize
