I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Randomize
