look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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