I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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