well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
